How To Follow Your Talents, Not Other People's Lives
- Kelin Sorger
- Jul 10, 2021
- 6 min read
Updated: Mar 13, 2022
The power of knowing what you're good and not so good at can save you a lot of potential heartaches.
When we all first enter the world of business, no matter what facet, we all tend to compare ourselves to others. The type of mental anguish that follows can destroy careers. It's a great idea to get a handle on your perceptions early on.
When we are hard on ourselves it's usually not because we want to be, but instead, it's a reaction to the actions of those around us. This reactive behavior is normal but can be crippling to our work, social interactions, and finances.
If you find yourself caught in this trap, don't let it get you down. The last thing we need is for you or anyone else feeling worse about themselves. Let's work on practical ways we can help promote a healthier happier you.
You have talents and you are worth your weight in gold. By matching your perceptions to your actions, taking inventory of your life, and learning to be mindful we can overcome and thrive where we once struggled.
Don't allow your negative emotions to overshadow all that is wonderful in you.
Why can't I see myself for all that I'm good at?
If you've ever been in a position where you have trouble noticing your positive traits but instead focus on your less than favorable traits, congratulations, you're human.
We've all been in a situation where we see others around us progressing in their work lives, whether that be socially or financially, and we can't seem to figure out what their secret is. It can be easy to think that others are just better and must somehow have magical skills we don't have. That answer is further from the truth than we know.
This article The Muse - How Successful People Do More in 24 Hours Than the Rest of Us Do in a Week speaks to qualities of those that are the most productive at work. One thing that stuck out to me was the section about preventing emotions from bottling up. Superachievers practice things like meditation, journaling, or the standard for ridding themselves of emotional buildup: boxing.
It's no mistake that those who perform the best don't allow emotion to get in the way. But how can you prevent yourself from first not thinking negatively about yourself and seeing your actions as valuable? Here are some tips I use regularly:
Stay off social media as much as possible. I know we all need to use it for personal or business reasons, but leave it at that. Use social media to be social, not to compare yourself to others.
Practice telling yourself positive affirmations. One thing that greatly helped me learn to relax and see myself in a better light is writing positive sticky notes and placing them on mirrors, doors, and kitchen cupboards. I'm constantly reminded of the good in me and this helps me work through those negative feelings.
Don't spend time with people that make you feel bad. If you wonder why you waste your time thinking negatively about yourself, consider who you may also be wasting your time with. Try talking to your friends and telling them how you feel first. If they're a good friend they won't mind making a few changes.
Start looking at others in a more positive light. Whenever I've been in a negative headspace I also view those around me in the same light. Taking a step back and realizing that most people are just trying their best helps to change our thinking.
Surround yourself with experiences that make you happy. Don't chase the material goods that random people post about online, as for all you know they could be lying about how and where they acquired them. Instead spend time creating memories that you can visit whenever you're having a tough time.
There is a multitude of ways I keep myself grounded and thinking positively about my work and myself. If there are any other ways you can think of please comment below.
I am not a medical professional and I cannot give you medical advice, but I can tell you what works for me. Don't expect all of these to work overnight. It's taken some hard work on my part and many years to be where I am now emotionally.
Once you can appreciate all you are and all you do, chasing others' dreams will start to feel childish. From there it's only a matter of time until you grow into your new self.
Taking inventory of my life? Where to begin.
This is an invaluable tool to learn if you want to make actual changes.
Too often I hear about or see people trying their very hardest to make a significant change in their life with no positive outcomes. It breaks my heart.
Have you ever decided that you want to start eating healthier, remodel your home, or change the way you perceive yourself, then halfway through your goal you realize there is some unaccounted-for variable that you did not think of? That's because you didn't first take inventory of your life.
Here are a few ways you can get down on paper what you have, what you want, and how you'll change it:
First, identify areas you can improve. Don't start with difficult tasks as this can actually cause you to give up. We don't want that.
Create a list of those areas then write down what improvement looks like and how you'll get there. Don't simply write the outcome you want, include a roadmap for your future self.
DO NOT, I repeat, do not get harsh on yourself for not instantly being perfect. The world that we live in is not like the digital world. We, unlike computers, take time to make changes to our software.
Start off with the easiest tasks first. This will give you the momentum you need to complete the rest of your tasks.
Reward yourself for completing tasks as you mark them off your list. I recommend keeping the rewards appropriate to the situation. Don't go on a social media binge after making a new supportive friend. Do eat a nice meal or treat yourself in some other way. The reward should match the task.
This type of basic inventory is not a complete guide but it is meant to give you a solid idea of your life and where you want to take it. Try it, you might actually be surprised at what you discover or what you realize you forgot.
Being mindful doesn't only relate to meditation.
Let's be real, I love yoga, meditation, and mindful teachings but I know not everyone has time for that type of activity. That's okay, you can still benefit.
One way for you to be able to catch yourself slipping down the rabbit hole of negative thinking is to know when to look inward. Once you learn how to do that everything becomes a positive experience.
Let's say you're at the office and a show boaty coworker comes over to your desk to show off some new toy they've purchased. Normally you would act all excited and stroke their ego. Now that you know how to be mindful you are aware of the negative thoughts you're having in this situation either about your coworker or yourself and you view them for what they are, thoughts that will pass.
You can be mindful without meditation, but of course, I recommend trying out yoga and meditation as these activities have helped me greatly.
When the types of situations arise like the one above remember to:
Breath. Follow your breath as it's important to remain relaxed. I'm sure you hold your breath or tense up in these situations. Breathe instead.
Look at the person in front of you with positive regard. Don't hate them for being egocentric as they probably have zero clue they are. Smile and remember you're wonderful no matter how well they're doing at work or at home.
Be genuine but kind. I know this one can be funny as sometimes I have nothing positive to say. If you're busy and always spend 15 minutes listening to these coworkers' stories remind them of your time and thank them for sharing.
Now think about what you just thought about. Remember that conversation you just had with a coworker? What were you thinking? Was it about running out of the office?
Control your thoughts. This is easier said than done. If you can breathe and think about what's going on in your mind while talking to someone you're almost there. Work now on letting only positive thoughts into your stream of thinking. This will keep you from walking away from conversations feeling bad about yourself or others.
There you have it. It's a tough time to deal with feelings of insecurity, especially when so many people present characters of themselves we take as reality online.
It's time you take back control of your mind and work your way to the top with a clear head.
If you don't, who will do it for you?
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Read my article How to Handle Job Loss Like a Boss and Rise like a Phoenix from Your Ashes which offers tips on how you can make it in today's freelance copywriting climate while maintaining your sanity.
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